dietingdragon (dietingdragon) wrote in bitter_is_bliss,

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This is an entry I made in my own LJ but locked for private because I did not want to hurt anyone. Would feel better if I knew someone was listening though, so ...


I HATE my job - where my probation period has been extended for another three months because I'm not meeting my sales targets. GIVE ME A BREAK - I'VE NEVER DONE SALES LIKE THIS BEFORE - AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME COACHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE the fact that I'm earning £2000 A YEAR less than in my previous job and am constantly broke and having to RELY ON SOMEONE ELSE KEEPING THEIR PROMISES to make it through the month

I HATE that the person making those promises IS NOT KEEPING THEM.

I HATE being in debt because of this.

I HATE that the someone else seems to think that just because I've been OK with it in the past I will always be OK with it. It's not my fault that you have problems of your own, but my problems have been caused by YOU NOT KEEPING YOUR PROMISES

I HATE feeling like shit all the time because I'm worrying about how I'm going to pay the bills. I've been in touch with the National Debt Line and have completed their budget sheet and I can't find any way of making my outgoings less than my basic income. I NEED the money that I've been promised. If you can't keep your promise then at least help me sort out a way of getting the money another way (lodger?). In order for me to have a lodger, I need to sort out the house. I KNOW that, but I can’t face it on my own. If you would help me over a weekend (fuck what SHE will say) then I think that we can do this together. I’ll be able to get a lodger in and I won’t be so dependent on you giving me money. I don’t think this request is unreasonable and I think it will help both of us.

I HATE that the TV licence people have sent me a refund cheque for overpayment on my TV Licence BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET THROUGH TO THEM FOR THE LAST 2 MONTHS. They have a system where you get told to "phone back later" when they're busy, and don't give you the option to hold, for however long it may take. This takes away my choice to hold, even if it's for half an hour or more, and makes me keep ringing, to get the same message "all our operators are busy call back later". I DON'T WANT TO CALL BACK LATER, I WANT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE NOW!!!

I'm at the stage today that I don't care if anyone reads my journal or not, or if the people who do read it are upset by it. I JUST DON'T CARE.

It's not as if anyone would miss me if I wasn't here.

Now I have to go the stupid job that I HATE and be nice to everyone that I talk to. I have my own problems, I don't care about yours. I'm trying to sort my life out - go do the same.

I HATE my job, I HATE my life, I HATE that my husband lied to me for years and then left me for someone else, I HATE that she's now expecting his baby, I HATE that this is the reason he can't keep his promise. I KNOW they need the money for the baby, but maybe they should have thought about how EXPENSIVE a child is before having one, maybe they should have spent the last 8/9 months preparing and gradually buying things instead of leaving it all to the last minute.

I should know better, it's not as if he's ever been good at keeping promises in the past so why should he start now. After all, if he kept his promises I wouldn't be in this position now.

OK - rant over, should just point out that SHE has now had the baby - a girl - and we're back to the same thing - "I'll have the money for you today/tomorrow." (Never happens - he's been telling me that for the last fornight now).

Don't know why I still believe him - I know he's a self-confessed habitual liar, and that he will tell me what I want to hear for as long as I want to hear it.
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